Pliabilities

Denial

She's been gone for fourteen years
still, her faulty attributes haunt me
Shamed, I carry a burden of anemic grace
created when I embarrassed her flaws

Still, her faulty attributes haunt me
appalling, the judgment I aroused
created when I embarrassed her flaws
now the detested traits compete within me

Appalling, the judgment I aroused
her solitary nature, shaky anxious meandering
now the detested traits compete within me
when overwhelmed by the social in situations

Her solitary nature, shaky anxious meandering
I see mirrored in my pensive posture
when overwhelmed by the social in situations
I pretend I am nothing like my mother

I see mirrored in my pensive posture
her blunders like discomfiting doilies
I pretend I am nothing like my mother
ignoring the stark evidence of our similitude

Her blunders like discomfiting doilies
snake their way through my lips, my hands
ignoring the stark evidence of our similitude
I wonder at the perpetuation of my suffering

Guilty, I squeeze self-love like a vicious vise
Shamed, I carry a burden of anemic grace
I miss her in spite of my crackling perception
She's been gone for fourteen years

Pantoum written for dVerse</a>