The First Day of Summer

So, this is how it feels to be healthy and grown-up. It has nothing to do with comparisons. It only has to do with me, wild and free, to be, exactly as I am or choose to be.

Realistic. Wise. Able to see through the whatevers and oh reallys. Knowing that everyone has their slant, their perspective, their own ideas of right and wrong. It's not so complicated. Somehow I thought I tied into a majority who knew all the ins and outs of life, all the right roads. The only ways, the best road traveled. It's not even up for interpretation any longer. It's a done deal, open and shut case, down and out in Beverly Hills or up and in wherever's clever. All this struggling and roaming and searching, to undo all I had to (or thought I did) to get here, to make it as unmolested as possible. Am I being extravagant? Do I exaggerate? Am I clueless? Who knows. Who can say for sure?

Am I a victim of my times, a sap who believes in the latest craze and media message? What would I be like if I wasn't exposed to all that hyped-up junk, free-for-all commodities, just buy into something, believe in anything, pick and choose, try 'em all on for size. I tried, but nothing quite fit.

For so long I've believed there's something wrong, with me, something oh-so-wrong, and I suppose there is, there was -- as I looked everywhere except where I needed to -- which was inside me. That's not too hard to figure, is it?
Every time I looked to the outside, to someone's path or desires, I was just bumping my head against a wall. It took me a long time to get the message: You're going the wrong way.

And now comes what? The quiet boredom has passed and I've crossed over another threshold -- yet I'm still in transit, in transformation, in bleary-eyed wonder.